What suddenly happen to make me sit up and notice i needed to make some changes? I looked in the mirror recently, and I didn't recognize the woman in the mirror. Mid life crisis maybe, but I couldn't believe i had gotten old? Last I remember I was in my mid 20s and had just gotten married to the most wonderful man. I look in the mirror, and I don't know who is looking back at me. Now, I am getting ready to have my 40th birthday this December, and just last November I celebrated 15 years with my husband.As I continue to stare into the mirror, I can see more lines around my eyes, and when did I start getting these spots? I step back from the mirror for a better look. Turning side to side, I wonder what happen to my body. I look at other women my age, and some of them look better now than they did 20 years ago. So much has happen in the last 15 years.
I spent most of the last 15 years focusing on family life. Like most moms, my needs were moved to last on my list. Now that my youngest child is getting ready to turn 13 years old, I have more time to focus on me again. As I started to focus on myself, I realized i had pushed a lot of things to the back burner. My hobbies. My schooling. Most of all my health. All of these things are important to me, but had been pushed aside to focus on more practical and necessary family needs.
Like a lot of women, I had slowly put on weight. A pound here or there isn't noticed so much. Then I went up a pants size and another and another. Then one day i was shopping and went to try on jeans and realized at 5 foot 2 inches I was now wearing a size 22. I get winded if I go up the stairs to quickly. I buy slip on shoes generally so i don't have to bend over to tie or buckle shoes, as it is rather difficult to bend over. It really sunk in when I moved to my new house. It has a glass shower that is directly across from the vanity, which sports a large double vanity with a HUGE mirror. I always take my glasses off to shower of course, but once day I didn't. I wasn't going to wash my hairs, so i left my glasses on. I happen to look to the left, and I was actually shocked. Shocked at how I had let myself go without even noticing.
Now don't get me wrong. I am not saying that every woman needs to be a stick figure, but every woman needs to be healthy. I am NOT healthy. At 5 ft 2 and 190 pounds, I am greatly over weight. That extra weight is taking it's toll on me. My knees hurt most days. I can't bend over and tie my shoes. There is even the very embarrassing part of how i now have hanging skin that causes several other issues. The excess skin hanging causes sweating, and the sweating causes chaffing. Those of you who have never had this happen, consider yourselves lucky. To those of you that have dealt with this, you can feel my pain.
My weight was just one of the things in my life i had put on the back burner, but it was the most noticeable since it is physical. Something else I put off was school. I put off college right out of high school for a few reasons. First, I got married to my high school boyfriend half way through my senior year of high school. Not because i was pregnant, but it was more a 'sure why not'. I had been living with him for a few month, and his family was really pushing it. Once I got married, I focused on trying to be the perfect 50's housewife. I wanted to be just like June Cleaver, and so I didn't even think about going to college. I will admit it now, it was a huge mistake. Actually both were huge mistakes. After 5 years, my marriage ended in divorce. Leaving me a single mother to my 2 year old. This made me need to focus on working and providing a life for my child. Once again, I had to put myself on back burner and focus.
One day without warning, love jumped up and smacked me in the face. A casual friend I had met when I was married showed a more than friends interest. And let me tell you, I was knocked off my feet when I actually realized this. I mean he was a HOT 19 year old, and I was a recently divorced 23 year old single mom. In one swift moment, I went from a unwanted wife to desired single mom. We dated and quickly things got really serious. Him and I both grew up with working mom's. So when we moved in together, he offered to let me quit my job so I could stay home with my daughter. I was so grateful and put my focus on my daughter and my new relationship. Over the next few years there was a wedding for me and birth of my 2nd and last child. Life was busy and it took everything in me to keep up with life.
It is now 21 years since i graduated from high school and my kids are at ages that I can focus on me again. School is part of that focus. I decided that I wanted to start off slow, and I am taking a few free classes from www.coursera.org. The don't get college credit for the classes, but I do get certificates of completion. More than anything, I get the knowledge from the class and the pride in knowing I am bettering myself. This was my first major step in focusing on me. I can't explain how happy i was to sign up for my first two classes. I am so ready for this.
The next step I took was to focus on my hobbies. I love to craft, sew, glue gun, paint, crotchet, and so on. Here and there i would work a little here and there on something, but for the most part did do much. I decided that needed to change. I dug out all my sewing and painting stuff, and i transformed a basically pointless room into my open studio space. I didn't realize how much this would jump start my need to create. Within a few days of setting up my studio, I had altered several pieces of clothing from something i was going to toss into something hot. I even finally finished a couple simple projects i had started years earlier, but I hadn't finished them. It was a great feeling to step back and look at what i had done. With my own two hands i create beauty. It is my super power.
I had started working on two of the things I had pushed to the back burner, and now i decided it was time to take on the hardest of all. My health or better put my weight gain. I have been thinking about this change for a while now, but I just wasn't ready to do it. I kept trying to get started on it, but I failed because I was doing it for the wrong reasons. I wasn't doing it for myself, and each time I failed. I wanted to do it to be 'hot', or i wanted attention from others for my looks. The reason i decided to do it now, I want to walk without pain in my knees. I want to be able to go up and down the stairs without getting winded. I want to be able to bend over and tie my shoes. Most of all, I want to be around to see my kids grow older and start their own lives and to have their own kids.
They say getting started is the hardest part. Bull. It is staying going once you started. My first step is to make exercise part of my regular routine. I know if I can keep my routine up for a couple months, it will be second nature. I will do it out of routine without even having to think about it. I am going to start off easy. One of the biggest mistakes people make with exercise is trying to do too much too fast. If you over work yourself from the get go, there is a greater chance you are going to just give up. What you do is start off simple and easy. You establish the exercise as a routine. Once that routine is solid, then you intensify your exercise little by little. With this in mind, I am going to start off doing a half hour step class and yoga. Both are low intensity and are something I can do at home without a bunch of gym equipment.
I hope you will join me in my journey through the good, the bad and the sweaty. I desire is that by sharing the struggles I go through, I can inspire others. Working hard to juggle focusing more on myself while still taking care of my family. I will be share a frank and open view into my life, and I look forward to hearing your feedback.
